Crumpet- Good Luck and thinking of you TTCing.


AFM- Just trying to take a couple of days to myself here. A little stressed and trying to get through with my anxiety playing havoc a bit. I am doing ok just a bit too much right now. A week tomorrow until DD's anniversary of her birth and official death. A week until my SIL give birth. Been up to the hospital to see a friend and her baby. My other SILs baby shower just gone on sunday. I am having to deal with a lot right now and it is constantly on my mind. I am going through a stage where i want to step out for a bit. I want a break, pause button on life etc. I tis too much.
I have also invited the pregnancy photography into my life and it has become a focus of mine. It allows me to get close but removed. Looking at them through the lens of a camera allows me to see it as art, light, shadow, composition. Editing...is another thing entirely and I have to do that in bursts. Arghhh, it is so so hard but I am driven by the fact that i never got to have this and I would hate someone else to be in my shoes and have that regret. I didn't take any nice shots before DD was born. I planned to and then she died and I felt wrong about it. I wish someone would have encouraged me more to do it and be ok with it. I wish I had those shots instead of a handleful of everyday photos, crying, putting make up on...a new outfit. So i am trying to give that to my friends and SILs. I love photos but no everyone does. It is one of those things. They can not develop any if they don't want. But they are there if they want. I have found that they have discovered their beauty all over again in pregnancy. It has lifted their confidence and allowed them to embrace the miracle that little bit more. It is amazing what it does for our confidence to see just one good shot of ourselves....even if it takes a 100 to get it.
thanks hun...

hopw everything settles down i know what u mean with so many things t odeal with. things get very hard

Crumpet - I was under a general anaesthetic. Obviously it was relatively light considering I didn't need to be under for a long time. I asked the Ob and that's how he does them. I then read a blog about a woman who had one done under spinal tap, and I decided to be honest I would rather not know, and not be aware that my legs were waving in the air with my naff exposed. There is a big difference between a theoretical knowledge and actual knowledge of something. There is so much indignity about the tcc journey, that I was happy to blissfully unaware of how it all actually happened. It's a bit like sausages - I quite like them, but I really prefer not to see them made. The frequent internal exams I get to have now are undignified but helpful to reaching the goal. I am really glad I was in the land of nod for the suture is all I can say. But other people might like to feel they are participating.
hmmm i do like the sound of a GA rather than a spinal tap and sedation like my OB recommends..... i agree id rather not know who is looking up my whooo harr....

hi crumpet - the "sexytime overload train" must me close to arriving at the station hey? LOL, enjoy
it stops at all stations let me tell you!

AFM - I'm fairly sure that I ovulated on monday, so I guess I'm back in the 2ww, I can't believe I am back to this point again, you know? Much as I would love a BFP this cycle I doubt I could get that lucky, but I guess I have just been really UNlucky, so maybe I'm due some luck!

Other than that trying not to worry about the results on Thursday, and I am feeling a tad guilty that we were TTC before our follow up visit - they kind of said that maybe I should prevent til now to let my body recover. But I really feel that waiting longer wouldn't have acheived much, if my body is ready it is ready. enough of the rambling!

Take care everyone,
xx

xx
got everything crossed for a BFP for u hun!!!

good luck at ur appt today......

AFM: well its just not happening for me right now......
the job i got as a nanny has fallen through and now im a wreck all over again....i was looking forward ot having something to do and having a distraction and well it not there now......
am going to try to get into contact with the lady who looked after us after i delivered Gus to see if she can help me organise some councelling or soemthing but im a sobbing mess all over again..... its been 4 months and i keep thinking i should have my ***** together by now but clearly what im doing isnt working so i guess its time to get some help of some sort.