Crumpet - what's a girl to do? I wish I could just wave my magic wand ( I do have one though, but I think the magic smoke escaped) to ease your pain and give you back your self confidence.
Who would think that 4 months can feel like eternity? But it does and doesn't. Honestly you are still so early on, give yourself time and don't be too hard on yourself.
At the same time, counselling sounds like it might help. Sometimes in our grief we get stuck, and need someone else to help us realise what we are stuck on and give us some ideas about how to get unstuck. I hope the lady at the hossy comes through.
I suppose the thing you need to hold close to your heart, is that you are a beautiful and strong woman, who has so much to offer all of those around you. I know it doesn't feel like that.
You are worthy of love, an in fact have been given the gift and heartache of the most wonderous kind.
I know at these times Gus seems so far away, but close your eyes, take a few moments, and reach out, he will be there, and he loves you. It doesn't take away the hurt, but sometimes just connecting like that really helps me. Maybe it might help you.
Big hugs sweetie. I believe in you.
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