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Thread: Am I being selfish to want a VBAC when no one else does?

  1. #1

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    Default Am I being selfish to want a VBAC when no one else does?

    Well I had my app with clinical midwife to discuss VBAC and all was ok. They need me to come in as soon as waters break due to strep B and I will be monitored the entire labour incase of uterine rupture due to prev c section. They brought my due date forward to the 17th May however I am going to continue to think 19th incase nothing happens around that date.
    DH and family are not very happy with my decision to try for VBAC they would prefer I go and have elective C section. The thought of another c section scares me and I also feel like I would be missing out on something if I didnt atleast try and have Liam natuarally. The risks of uterine rupture are low and as I will be monitored in hosital I think it should be fine. They have already advised they wont let me labour for long if I am not steadily dilating and I can only push for an hr.
    Am I being selfish for wanting a natural birth? I really felt disappointed when ended up with emergency c section with Jordan and felt I missed out on that intial contact with him. I know in the end its about delivering a healthy bubs and keeping me safe but I dont think the hospital will let me put myself at risk.
    Sorry to ramble on ladies but its really playing on my mind at the moment.


  2. #2

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    No way are you being selfish! I think the biggest problem is that people just don't understand how important it is for a woman to have the birth she wants to have and sometimes see birth as just a means to an end and not the momentous event that it is and/or often let fear of something going wrong take over their minds. Do you think the lack of support is fear of something going wrong or they just can't understand why you would choose a vaginal birth as opposed to just booking another c/s? If thats the case, print off some of the VBAC articles on the main site, or check out the BellyBelly online shop for some great books for them to read.

  3. #3

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    No way!! If you want that VBAC then go for it girl!!

    This is your body and your the one that has to reccover after the birth, not DH or family!

  4. #4

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    You are not being selfish at all. I have had 2 successful vbacs and would recommend natural childbirth over c/s any day. Do your family know any information about this or do they think c/s is the easy way out (because it's not). Maybe if you can give them some information and reasons why you want to vbac they will be more understanding and supportive. Natural birth is much safer for you and your bub. At the end of the day it's your body and your decision.
    Good Luck.

    Jo

  5. #5

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    Remember it is your body, and only you are going to be the one to actually experience the birth - it is definitely NOT selfish for you to choose what you feel is the best way for you to give birth. It is all well and good for your family to want you to have a c/s, but they are not the ones who have to go through it. You should feel confident that you have chosen a perfectly safe and natural way to give birth, and it is great that your hospital is supporting you.

  6. #6

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    thanks ladies. I have explained my reasons and they know the risks but I think they feel c section is safer option.
    I dont want DH to have neg attitude when we go into labour as I dont feel that will assist me in being able to give birth naturally.
    I know I have 8 more weeks to work out what to do but am scared I might make the wrong choice.

  7. #7

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    Go with what you truly want to do. It is your body, and if you really want a VBAC, then go for it. Like you said, you've got 8 weeks, so spend that time discussing it with DH and let him know how important it is for him. Yes there are risks, but there is with everything these days. Go through the pros and cons with him. Get everything out in the open. But at the end of the day, do what is going to make you happy. You're the one birthing this baby, you need to do what you feel is right.
    And I for one think you're making a good decision trying for a VBAC.

  8. #8

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    Tracey, you could put to him the risks of having a c/s and spin it that way. If he sees that there are risks involved with that then maybe he might be more open to supporting you having a VBAC.

  9. #9

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    I had a vba2c 5 weeks ago and I am so glad I did if only for the recovery side of things not to mention the great sense of achievement. I felt great straight after the birth, I was treated like (and felt like) a mother rather than a surgery patient.
    If you can VBAC then I would say go for it. You won't regret it

    Melissa

  10. #10

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    I say go for it honey!!!!! I felt so bad after my c-section (which was elective) that I won't let anyone stop me from going for a VBAC.. its MY body, and I want it this way.
    Stick to your guns. Tell your DH the risks in a repeat c-section, and he may change his mind.
    We are here to support you anyway no matter what you decide.

  11. #11

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    Is it selfish to want the best for your baby?

    Is it selfish to want a short recovery compared to a long recovery from major surgery?

    Is it selfish to do the natural thing?

    Is it selfish to want the have that immediate contact with your child after he is born?

    I honestly don't think it's sefish.

    This is YOUR birth, YOUR body that is going to be cut into, YOU that has to do the hard yards with recovery. Why should it be anyone else's choice as to whether you have a VBAC?? If it's what you want go for it. You can do it.

    Now with DH being negative, talk to him. Teach him what you have learnt about VBAC to show him that it really isn't all that scary & dangerous. Maybe hire a doula that can hep you if DH doesn't feel like he can be supportive of your VBAC? Tell him the stats, show him the Birth Rites website & these BB articles:

    * Caesarean Myths Exploded
    * VBAC - What to Expect
    * VBAC - On Whose Terms?
    * Men At Birth
    * Ten Tips on Being a Great Birth Support Person

    YOU CAN DO IT! And it is not selfish to want to.
    Last edited by {sarah}; March 19th, 2008 at 02:21 PM.

  12. #12

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    Can't really add more than what has already been said, you are not being selfish, I think you will find there are selfish reasons behind them not wanting you to have a VBAC. I still really struggle to see why people take it so personally how someone chooses to birth.

    Thankfully DH is being supportive of what I choose with regards to having a VBAC, but I am getting pressure from MIL. She just cannot comprehend why I would want to take the risk and maybe end up with another c-section. She had no desire to birth any particular way, she did what she was told (compulsory epi and forceps) and cannot understand why I would want it any different to her. Then again she may just want me to have an elective c-section, so she know when to book her flights. Who knows, I think many people forget who has to give birth to that baby

  13. #13
    ~Belinda~ Guest

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    No way are you being selfish for wanting to try a VBAC. I had a natural labour with Madeleine and it was the most beautiful experience. I even had 10 stitches and healed really quickly. Was up and walking half an hour after her birth. The recovery was great.

    Good luck with everything and do what you feel is best for you and your Bub
    Last edited by ~Belinda~; March 19th, 2008 at 07:37 PM.

  14. #14

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    Heck no Tracey, go for it. At the end of the day it's your birth and you have to feel happy about it. I had a VBAC and also had Step B and it all went off without a hitch, I couldn't have been prouder of myself.

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    You're not being selfish at all!! It's your right to birth your baby any way you see fit. After all it's your body going through it, not anyone elses... also, as pointed out you don't have a recovery period either.

    I had a successful VBAC almost one year ago now and it was the best thing I ever did! The experience was amazing and I would personally recommend anyone to at least give it a go if that's what they want. I only had 3 1/2 hours labour .. they did monitor me and Oskar was in some distress so he was vacuum assisted but that was the only intervention and we did it drug free as well. Listen to your heart and try to get your hubby to see that for your baby firstly that you need to at least try VBAC as it really is the best thing for them as that's what they and us are designed to do.. birth naturally if possible. We did hypnobirthing which was great as it covers everything from the start with birthing your baby. My DH was the biggest skeptic around but he walked out of the first class with a different frame of mind and was a wonderful birthing partner. Oh and one other thing.. trust your body and baby, they really know what to do!!!

  16. #16

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    God I love you ladies, you are so supportive and I truly think I can do it this time.
    I have every confidence that we will make it.

    thanks again for all your stories and kind words or support

  17. #17
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    Go with what u want its your body and the risk of uterine rupture is soo small.
    There are huge risks at cs having infection, bleeding, to namea few for you but also babies from elective cs have a higher risk of needing addmition to specaila care nursery due to breathing issues.

    ARe you going to a hopsital who is supportive of VBAC??

    good luck hun

  18. #18

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    Tracey- BIG HUGS to you firstly- Must be difficult to have to defend your wants and needs to the fam and especially DH.... I think you should deffinatley GO FOR IT!!!!

    Like i said in our thread- the midwives have giving you the all clear to try so why not.... Its not like your wanting it and they have advised against it... Do what you feel is best for you and bubs... You can do it if you have the confidence and you sure have the courage so stay confident, positive and things will be great...

    Good luck hun and maybe spend the next few weeks explaining your feelings to DH and see if you can get him to have more of a positive attitude for your sake... If not.... you have our groups support and i see so many ladies here supporting you...

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