Your first night out post-baby is a big deal.
Whether you do it six weeks after the birth, six months after the birth or years after the birth, it will feel like one hell of an occasion.
10 Thoughts All Mamas Have On Their First Night Out
A night out, just for you! Freedom.
Even if you only manage two drinks at your local pub before being swept back to family life, you’ll feel like a new woman after spending some much-needed time doing something for yourself.
Here are 10 thoughts all mamas have on their first night out:
#1: Why Don’t I Have Anything To Wear?!
Getting dressed is so much fun. A real pamper party. I try to have a bath but end up with a hungry baby in there with me. And a turd, obvs. Then I try to paint my toenails but my baby cries before I finish so half of it smudges off.
Then I do my makeup with one hand while breastfeeding. Then I straighten my hair while my baby cries at me from across the room.
Then I realise I have no clothes to wear because I have boulders where my boobs should be, saggy skin where my stomach should be, and eye bags where my face should be.
There is nothing quite like the sound of the door slamming closed behind me as I step out in the big wide world all by myself. No changing bag, no screaming baby, no car seat. Just me, light and free and ready for fun.
Oh wait, what was that noise? Was it the baby waking up? Quick, legs, run to the pub!
#3: No Point Buying A Bottle
Oh look, it’s way cheaper to buy a whole bottle of prosecco than just a glass. Maybe I should do that…but then, what happens when my baby wakes up in 20 minutes and I get a text saying I need to go home?
Hmmm, maybe someone wants to share a bottle? But then I might not even get to have more than a glass, anyway. I’ll just get a glass. I bet my baby has already woken up and, try as he might to soothe our baby back to sleep, I’ll get a text from my partner soon and then I’ll be off.
I’ll just sit my phone on the table so I don’t miss any baby-related calls.
#4: Better Check My Phone
I’ll just quickly check my phone. Hmmm, that’s weird, nothing. I wonder if I actually have any signal. Maybe my phone is broken. I’ll just text home to see how it’s going.
Oh god, why isn’t he replying? What’s going on there?! I’ll just ask one of my friends to try ringing my phone so I can be sure it’s working. Is that weird? That’s not weird, that’s just normal…
#5: None Of These Strangers Know I Have A Baby
Look at me, drinking in a pub. Just sitting here, child-free, making hilarious jokes and drinking alcohol.
That guy over there, he has no idea I’m a mum. He thinks I’m just a carefree woman out with her friends.
Ok, I look tired, but that could be from all night partying rather than all night why-won’t-my-baby-sleep-ing. These tummy-taming knickers were a good investment. I am just like everybody else. Young and free and without a care and – oh, was that my phone?
#6: Do I Have Time For Another Drink?
Surely not, do I? Still no texts telling me to rush home. Getting another drink is risky though. As soon as I order it, I’ll be needed at home and I’ll have to abandon my drink.
But, I guess, I may as well get one, I can always drink it quickly. Or leave it, like a grown up. Yeah, just one more drink. May as well make it a big one, I suppose.
#7: Why Doesn’t My Baby Need Me?
Ok, freedom is great, and all. It’s nice being in a bar and wearing high heels. I am loving having actual conversations with real life adults. And not conversations interrupted by crying (unless you count that drunk girl who stumbled past earlier), but actual, flowing, adult conversations.
Of course I love this. But, erm, why doesn’t my baby need me? Isn’t my baby missing me and wondering where I am? Why haven’t I had any texts asking me to rush home because nobody else can soothe my baby’s tears?
#8: What Even Is This Music?
My legs are itching to dance, I want to get lost on the dance floor and make some shapes, but, what is this song? I haven’t recognised a single track since I got here. Don’t they have any Wheels on the Bus or Row Row Row Your Boat?
Or maybe something from before I had a baby? Back when I used to listen to music and read the news and knew who the Prime Minister was.
#9: How Is My Baby Still Asleep?
Finally! A text from home, apparently my baby is still sleeping peacefully. That’s a four hour stretch of uninterrupted sleep. Why does that never happen when I’m home? I get woken up every 90 minutes throughout the night, but tonight, it’s an all-night sleepathon. That kid cannot get enough sleep. Couldn’t this have happened when I was in bed rather than out for the night?
You can bet your life savings that my baby will wake up as soon as I get home and then it’ll be time for an all-night party. When my partner goes out, the baby never sleeps this well. I never even make it through a movie because I’m up and down the stairs all night soothing, rocking and feeding my baby. Not that my partner will ever believe that again, not now he’s had such a great night in.
#10: I Should Do This More Often, What’s Everyone Doing Tomorrow Night?
Well, the baby has been totally fine and I’ve had the best night ever. I’m doing this again. Let’s pencil it in! When can everyone do? Tomorrow? Next weekend? A fortnight? Right, great, in two months then. Spontaneity at its best.