My first baby didn’t really cry very often.
She was a very laid back baby with few complaints.
She was pretty much happy as long as she was with me.
I put it down to my amazing parenting.
10 Reasons My Baby Cried This Week
Now, of course, I know better. My second child, you see, despite being parented in the same way, loves to cry.
She summons up all of her strength and lets rip with a deafening roar seemingly at the drop of a hat (on her head. She hates having to wear a sun hat).
Here are a few of the things she has cried about this week:
#1: Because She Ate All Her Raisins
She was hungry so I gave her a snack box of raisins. She ate them. Then she held the little box up to her and glowered into it. Empty.
Then she looked across at me with a look of disdain as though she was waiting for me to magic up some more reasons.
“Oh, you ate all your raisins!” I said in a cheerful voice. That was when the crying started. Loud, angry sobs aimed in my direction. She cried solidly for five whole minutes because she ate all her raisins.
#2: Because I Wouldn’t Let Her Dance To Uptown Funk While Breastfeeding
I don’t consider myself a woman of many rules, but one rule I do have is that breastfeeding and dancing should be separate things. Partly because breastfeeding while dancing is weird and partly because my baby’s dance moves currently consists only of bouncing.
Bouncing is not something you should do while attached to somebody’s nipple – that is just basic manners. When I turned the song off so she could feed, she screamed with frustration.
#3: Because The Water She Poured On Herself Made Her Wet
This one came as quite a shock to my baby. One minute, she was happily chucking water about the place. The next, she was wet. Wet and furious.
She turned to me sharply, as though I had just tipped a bucket of water over her without warning, and burst into tears. I dried her off, got her changed and then foolishly sat her back to her sippy cup which she proceeded to spill all over her dry clothes. Cue more tears.
#4: Because She Dropped Her Rice Cake
We were walking through Manchester city centre, baby snuggled safely in the baby carrier against my chest, as she nibbled a rice cake. Occasionally, she would thrust the soggy rice cake towards my mouth which was gross but sweet.
She flailed her arms around in excitement and, unfortunately, dropped her rice cake. It fell amidst the abandoned cigarette ends and hardened blotches of chewing gum on the filthy pavement beneath us.
She wanted it back anyway, she is a huge believer of the five second rule and didn’t appreciate my refusal to retrieve it for her.
She burst into loud inconsolable tears while my fellow shoppers looked at me in disgust, assuming I had done some terrible parenting faux pas to cause such a ruckus.
#5: Because Playgroup Finished
She loves playgroup. We both do. Me, because I get to sit down and talk to human adults about adult things. Her, because she gets to slobber all over new toys and get into fights with toddlers.
I sometimes feel a little sad when it’s over, especially if I was in the middle of a good conversation or hadn’t yet finished my cup of tea. She is always heartbroken when it was over. She doesn’t want to go home and nap. She doesn’t want to say goodbye to all the exciting toys. There are still some babies she hasn’t pushed over yet!
She can sense it coming as the old ladies start packing away the toys, I see her glancing suspiciously around the room. When it’s time to take her home, she screams.
#6: Because I Wouldn’t Let Her Play In The Litter Tray
My baby loves boxes. She loves emptying them then filling them back up. She loves climbing inside them. She loves tipping them over and using them to climb onto things she shouldn’t be able to reach. She doesn’t care what’s in the box, that is not of interest to her.
So when she spied the litter box, a fancy one with a lid, she wanted to be in it. Her love for boxes made her blind to the curly cat turds sitting in the box, she saw only the fun she would have emptying out the little bits of gravel.
She was not happy when I predicted what she was about to do and moved her away from the litterbox. She cried so loudly she scared the cat.
#7: Because I Wouldn’t Let Her Eat Her Sister’s Homework
My baby’s diet is mostly breast milk and vegetables with a side order of stuff she finds on the floor. Raisin boxes, tissue paper, food dropped by her big sister, she’ll eat anything.
She especially loves to chomp down on paper. Specifically, the art projects her big sister has spent hours constructing. I can overlook this, I can only hold onto so many art projects anyway (one huge box full and counting), but I draw the line when it comes to homework.
How many times would the teacher believe the homework had actually been eaten by a baby? Not many, is my guess.
#8: Because I Wouldn’t Let Her Lick The Baby Monitor
As soon as she wakes up, my baby makes a beeline for the baby monitor. I see her on my handset, eyes firmly fixed on the camera as she crawls towards it at speed, licking her lips. I have to hotfoot it up the stairs to stop her.
She gets mad, she cries so loud she wakes her sister up, I have to get everyone back to bed. It’s no fun. I’m already on my second baby monitor because she licked the last one so enthusiastically it stopped working.
#9: Because She Wanted To Be On The Grass…
My oldest daughter had sports day last week. I took my baby along in the sling and stood with another mum who has a baby of the same age. Our babies happily gurgled away to each other while we stood watching the sack race.
Then things turned sour. All of a sudden, my baby was screaming and writhing around. She wanted to get down. She didn’t want to be in the carrier anymore, she wanted to crawl and in the process get her clothes muddy. I resisted for a few minutes but, as the sound of her cries drowned out the headteacher’s speech, I figured I should just let her do what she wanted. It would make my life easier, right?
#10: …Because The Grass Was Wet
Wrong. The grass was wet. And cold. No sooner had I put her down on the grass, she was screaming to come back up again. Other parents looked across in horror as they wondered why I had put my screaming baby on the rain-sodden floor. She looked back at them, eyes streaming with tears, as though she was wondering the same thing.