Pregnancy is long, isn’t it?
You’re desperate to get to the finish line so you can finally hold your baby in your arms, but the months just drag on.
I have so much I want to say to the baby growing in my belly.
And while I do often say them aloud when we’re alone, I don’t think the baby understands.
Or perhaps he, or she, is just choosing to ignore my polite requests.
10 Things I Want To Say To The Baby Growing In My Belly
Basically, this pregnancy feels a little one-sided. I’m not really sure the baby in my bump gives much consideration to how I’m feeling.
So here are just a few of the things I’d love to say to my unborn baby:
#1: Could You Reschedule Your Acrobatics Lessons?
I love you, truly I do, and I’m really glad you’ve found your passion in life at such a young age. I am almost certain you will cartwheel straight out of me and into the midwife’s arms.
You seem to love nothing more than spinning, twisting and leaping around inside my tummy. And that’s great, it really is, but, um, do you have to do it in the middle of the night?
I want to be a supportive mama but I’d also really like to get some sleep. Even just for a few hours. Maybe you could do your acrobatics in the morning when I’m at work, or while I’m watching TV in the evening.
Do you really have to start your performance at midnight, when I finally settle down in bed and I’m ready for sleep?
#2: I Have Other Things To Do
I know what a blessing you are and how lucky I am to have you growing inside me. There are, however, other things I have to do.
I have a job, and I need to be able to do it. Not to mention all the other things I must do – like eat, exercise, sleep, and decorate the nursery. I’m a busy woman. I simply can’t spend all day walking to and from the toilet to pee.
I get it. You need space. But do you have to use my bladder as a trampoline? It would be really great if I could go, say, an hour between bathroom trips just so I could tick some other things off my to-do list. I can’t just pee all day long; I have other commitments.
#3: Can I Have A Bit Of My Energy Back?
Before I was pregnant with you, I had so much energy. I could go for a run in the morning, work all day, and then meet friends for dinner without letting out a single yawn.
Now, I’m lucky if I make it through my morning meeting without drifting off. Growing you seems to take up an awful lot of my energy, and there isn’t much left for me.
I haven’t been able to stay awake past 8pm for months. I don’t even remember what evenings are like, because I usually snore through them these days. Would it be possible for me to get a little energy boost? Pretty please?
#4: Can I Eat Something Different?
You’re a baby who knows what you like. I get that too. I’m all for it. I’m pleased you’ve developed strong tastes and opinions but I’m getting bored with eating curry.
Does it always have to be curry? Couldn’t we mix it up with the odd Mexican meal or roast dinner?
I like curry – or at least I did before I was forced to eat it every single day for months on end. Every time I attempt to eat something else, either you hit me with a wave of nausea, or the whole meal comes back up. It’s not really worth the risk but I would so love to eat something other than a madras.
#5: Heartburn, Really?
And while we’re on the subject, it seems really unfair of you to demand curry on a daily basis if you’re then going to subject me to hours of heartburn. Seriously, my burps are so bad right now I’m surprised your daddy hasn’t left us.
I’ve spent hours researching home remedies for heartburn and nowhere does it say eating curries will help. In fact, a lot of people have told me to lay off the curries (I worry my breath might be giving away your love of spicy foods).
If you’re going to keep forcing me to eat spicy foods, at least give me a break from the heartburn. It’s actually really difficult to sleep propped up on pillows when you’re the size of a whale (this is probably why whales don’t use pillows).
#6: Please Don’t Get Too Big
I don’t want you to be too small, don’t get me wrong; I want you to be a healthy weight. It’s just I don’t want to end up in the news for giving birth to the world’s biggest baby. I don’t want to see the shock on the midwife’s face as she heaves you up into my arms.
I can tell you’re growing big in there. And I can feel the skin on my tummy stretching each day as you grow and grow and grow. Just don’t get too big, ok? A healthy weight, but not a record-breaking one, will be fine and dandy with me.
#7: Please Arrive Sooner Rather Than Later
I want you to arrive on time, but on the early side of on time, if possible. No way do I want to be one of those miserable women who waddle around past their due dates.
I know, I know, you have no idea what a due date is. But please, don’t keep me waiting too long. I want a couple of weeks to enjoy my maternity leave, to meet friends for lunch, and iron all the baby clothes. Then I’ll be ready for you.
Once I tick that final thing off my to-do list, I expect you to arrive. Don’t turn up late. Term is considered 37-42 weeks but, just so you know, I will consider you rude if you opt for 42 weeks.
#8: Can We Lay Off The Braxton Hicks?
Look, I’m going to be honest and say I don’t know what I’m doing here. I have no idea what labour is going to feel like, I don’t know my contractions from my Braxton Hicks, and I’m worried I’m going to be the woman who cried false labour a zillion times.
I’m not really enjoying the Braxton Hicks you keep subjecting me to. They make my bump look rock solid, which is creepy and, frankly, they’re uncomfortable. Would it be ok with you if we saved the uterine contractions for the birth? I really don’t think we need to practise in advance.
#9: I Can’t Wait To Meet You
I have spent months trying to imagine what your face might look like. I am desperate to know whether you have inherited your daddy’s hair or my lips. I want to feel your baby soft skin and hold you in my arms.
I just can’t wait to meet you. I already feel like I know you, and these months we’ve spent together have been the best of my life. Every kick, every nudge, every hiccup has given me an opportunity to get to know you a little better, but now I’m ready for the real thing. I’m ready to stroke your hair, kiss your forehead and tell you how much I love you.
#10: You Are Already So Loved, Little One
It’s hard to believe you’re not even here yet and already you have us all wrapped around your little finger. My heart is filled with love for you and I haven’t even laid eyes on you.
Your dad has been busy getting things ready, and working hard to create the perfect little nursery for you. I can’t wait for you to see it. And your grandparents are so desperate to meet you. You should see all of the little outfits they’ve bought and the blankets they’ve knitted for you.
You have a whole family waiting for you – a beautiful family who already loves you so much. We can’t wait to meet you.