When is the perfect time to become a mother? And, more importantly, how do you know when you’re ready for a baby?
Is it better to have kids when you’re younger?
Or do you need to wait until you have an established career, plenty of disposable income, and a lot of life experience?
There is no right answer.
Unless you have a crystal ball, you simply have no way of knowing when the time is right.
10 Ways You Know You’re Ready For A Baby
If you’ve reached that stage of life where you often find yourself daydreaming about what it would be like to be a mother, you might be wondering whether this is the right time for you.
Are you ready to take the first steps on the journey of motherhood? Take a look at this tongue-in-cheek list and see how many of these things apply to you:
#1: You Don’t Like Your Name
Are you fed up with everybody knowing your name? Absolutely tired of hearing people use it when they greet you? Are you bored with having to repeat it every time you meet someone new?
If you answered yes, then you might be ready to have a baby. Once you’re a mum, nobody will care what your name is. They’ll simply call you (and every other mother) ‘mummy’. Yeah, it’s weird, because you’re not their mummy, but they don’t care about things like that.
From the moment you give birth, people will only care about your baby’s name. You will simply fall into the catch-all ‘mummy’ category.
#2: You Don’t Like Sleeping
Do you dread having eight hours of uninterrupted sleep every night? Would you rather your nights were less relaxing, and felt more like a psychological obstacle course of torture? Do you like a challenge?
If so, motherhood might be for you. If you love the idea of feeling so exhausted you need sleep, and then still being deprived of it, then throw your birth control away. You’re ready.
#3: You Like Cooking But Hate It When The Food Is Eaten
Are you a culinary masterchef who loves cooking up a storm in the kitchen? But does it break your heart when the meals you spend hours preparing simply end up in people’s bellies?
Would you rather the food stuck around longer, so you can appreciate it more? Do you think of food as more of an art form to be admired rather than sustenance to be devoured?
Then have a baby. Being a parent gives you the perfect excuse to spend hours in the kitchen. And, even better, none of the food will ever be eaten. It might be played with, squeezed, used as a facial moisturiser and probably thrown on the floor. It will ‘stick around’ (literally) but nobody will eat it.
#4: You’ve Always Wanted To Poop In Front Of Your Partner
It’s kind of hard to bring up casually, isn’t it?
But if you have a long-held, secret desire to poop in front of your loved one, having a baby could be just the opportunity you’ve been looking for.
After all, your relationship will be awkward forever if you ask to poo in front of him, for no real reason, and he declines the offer. You can’t un-ask a question like that.
But you can have a baby and poop during labour – heck, it’s pretty much expected. It’s the perfect crime. What better reason to have a baby?
#5: You Have Lots Of Clothes You Never Wear
Is your wardrobe bulging at the seams? Is it bulging with sequined dresses, PVC catsuits and other items that will probably never see the light of day again?
If you can’t bring yourself to cart your excess clothing to the charity shop, you could have a baby. That will force them back into circulation.
Your baby will vomit on all your t-shirts, poop down all of your jeans, and smear snot across your day dresses. Then you’ll be forced to attend playgroup in a skin-tight leather bodycon dress – simply because it’s the only clean item you have left.
Having a baby, and the associated pile of dirty laundry, is the perfect excuse for wearing a pair of chaps to the grocery store.
#6: You Get Lonely In The Bathroom
Are you a social butterfly who loves nothing more than a good chinwag with friends? Did you spend your youth crammed into a nightclub toilet with three of your drunken girlfriends so you could keep chatting while somebody peed?
Then you should have a child. You’ll never pee alone again. You’ll have an audience every single time you go to the bathroom. It’ll be like those wild nights out, all over again, only with less vomit – you hope. Ok, sometimes there will be vomit.
#7: You’ve Run Out Of Socially Acceptable Excuses For Being Late
Are your friends and family growing tired of you always arriving late for social occasions? Do they eye-roll when you walk in and give each other knowing looks, while you explain how your lateness was absolutely not your fault this time? Are you in desperate need of a new excuse for your persistent tardiness? Then have a baby.
You’ll never be on time for anything – no matter how hard you try. And people will be so much more understanding of your lateness when you explain you had to feed the baby, change two nappies, and then calm the toddler-having-a-tantrum before you stepped one foot out of the door.
#8: You Want To Update Your Decor
Is your house really tidy, stylish and beautiful? Are you bored with it? Would you rather the floors were littered with abandoned raisins and little plastic toys? Would your immaculately white walls look better with the addition of random crayon marks and tiny handprints decorating them?
Do you have an empty corner of the living room just crying out for oversized stuffed animals and overflowing toy boxes?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re probably ready for a baby.
#9: You Like Noise
Are you sick of hearing yourself think? Would you rather drown out the sound of your inner monologue with the repetitive beeping of an electronic toy? Do you like the sound of wooden blocks being banged together? Is a baby’s cry music to your ears?
Do you like the idea of ‘mama mama mama’ playing, on repeat, from the second you open your eyes until the minute you fall asleep at night? If you’re fed up with all that quietness, motherhood might be the way to go.
#10: Do You Love Doing Laundry?
Do you often find yourself offering to do laundry for friends and family? Is that growing heap in your house never big enough to keep you occupied? Are you happiest when you’re knee-deep in dirty clothes, putting on another wash?
If so, you might be pleased to hear there’s such a thing as a magical never-ending laundry pile – it’s called having a family.
How did you score? Are you ready for a baby yet?
Don’t forget to share this list with your partner, to check whether he’s as ready as you are.