If you’ve decided to keep your pregnancy secret until after the first trimester, you’re probably trying your best to hide any signs of pregnancy.
Like a top secret spy guarding classified information, you’re working hard to make sure this information doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.
Even if you prove to be stealthier than a spy and resist the temptation to misplace your classified USB stick on public transport, you may still discover that this secret is a difficult one to keep.
Here are 10 things that might give your pregnancy away:
#1: Your Sobriety
If you’re usually the alcohol-fuelled life and soul of the party, it might be pretty noticeable when you suddenly switch your gin for a soft drink. If you usually have a glass of wine in your hand, your friends and family might start wondering why you’ve stopped drinking.
Take a look at our BellyBelly article about ways to hide or excuse the fact that you’re not drinking alcohol. Have your excuse planned in advance so you’re not left speechless when well-meaning friends and family members bluntly ask whether you’re pregnant simply because you’re not on the tequila.
#2: A Handbag Full Of Sick
Ah, morning sickness, the hideous pregnancy symptom that can strike at any time of day. Having to run to a toilet to puke every five minutes is a sure fire way to expose your supposedly-secret pregnancy to the world.
Many women choose to tell their colleagues early simply to make it less strange when they relocate their desktop computer and telephone to a toilet cubicle. If you’re walking around with a noticeable scent of vomit, rushing off to the toilet every few minutes and gagging every time someone starts eating egg around you, people might have their suspicions about your pregnancy.
#3: A Phone Full Of Pregnancy Apps
Pregnancy apps are great, they give you the opportunity to learn more about pregnancy at your convenience. They tell you when your baby is approximately the size of a lego figurine (10 weeks), what symptoms you can expect and feature healthy recipe ideas.
Some pregnancy apps feature contraction timers, to-do lists and name suggestions. The only downside to them is their very existence could give the game away when it comes to your secret pregnancy. Even if you don’t allow push notifications, a friend could spy the apps on your phone as you check your text messages.
#4: Your Boob Job
As your breasts prepare for breastfeeding right from the very start of pregnancy, you may notice you get quite a boost in the boob department. Before the end of the first trimester, you’ll probably need to invest in a maternity bra thanks to your ever-expanding chest.
People might notice the fact that you’ve gone up a few bra sizes. And, if you give any of your friends a hug, you should expect them to notice the crushing feeling that accompanies the act of cuddling two giant boulders. Some of the physical changes of pregnancy are quite subtle during the first trimester, but your humongous boobies are not two of them.
#5: All The Stroking
Once you know there’s a baby tucked up in there, it’s pretty hard to resist the urge to start stroking that belly of yours. Finally, you can stop worrying about breathing in and instead embrace the way your tummy sticks out. Stroking your belly is a surefire sign of either pregnancy or having recently eaten a very large roast dinner. While you may be able to get away with a sneaky belly rub after a Sunday roast, it will almost certainly arouse suspicions during your Monday morning team meeting.
Facebook knows everything about you. Zuckerberg probably knew you were pregnant before you did. Your Facebook statuses can easily give away your supposedly hush-hush pregnancy. After years of photos posted of you being hideously drunk followed by bemoaning statuses about how rough your hangover is, it’s pretty obvious when you suddenly start posting about having “yet another early night zzz”.
#7: The Crying
Pregnancy hormones make some women feel a little (err okay sometimes a lot) emotional, especially during the first trimester. If you cried at the news story of an ex-battery chicken finding a new home, you may be experiencing these pregnancy emotions. If you cried again the next day in a team meeting because you were remembering the chicken story, you’re definitely experiencing the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy.
If you’re crying now because you think it’s unfair that you are being accused of only crying at the incredibly moving chicken story because you’re pregnant, calm down. It’s your hormones, and they’re probably going to give you away. Every single person who has seen you cry because of the chicken story, already suspects you are pregnant.
#8: The Snoring
Some women do actually find that they snore during pregnancy, but that’s not what this point is about. No, it’s the fact you’re snoring at the cinema/at the hairdressers/during a job internet that really gives you away. Most people don’t randomly fall asleep during the day — this is a skill possessed mostly by pregnant women. Try drawing eyes on your eyelids to hide the fact that you’re asleep, and be sure to have background music playing at all times to drown out your snores.
#9: Your Bathroom Habits
As soon as you pee on that stick, your bladder breaks and you are forced to spend the majority of your remaining nine months sat on the toilet having a pee (this may or may not be scientifically proven). You will need to pee constantly for the first and third trimesters, during the blissful second trimester you will only need to pee a lot (what a relief!).
When spending time with friends, family or colleagues, it will be glaringly obvious that you are frequenting the bathroom more than usual. This will either be put down to pregnancy or a newly acquired drug addiction. If you want to keep the pregnancy hidden longer, consider applying talc to your nasal area during each bathroom visit.
#10: Your Internet Search History
We are never more vulnerable than when our online search history is exposed. If a colleague is talking to you at your desk, be careful not to use the internet incase it shows a list of your recent searches. For example, 8 weeks pregnant and farting a lot, sore nipples during pregnancy and vagina smells weird pregnancy are not things your colleague needs to know about. Also, this list of recent searches will definitely out you as a pregnant woman. And one who has sore nipples, a weird smelling vagina and a trumpety bum. Probably not the work reputation you were going for.