Written by psychologist, Daniel Chable.
In almost everyone’s house there is something that is potentially very dangerous.
Do you know what it might be? Here are three clues.
- It is dangerous because is can cause your relationship untold damage.
- It is dangerous because it can destroy your marriage.
- It is dangerous because it can cost you many thousands of dollars.
Have you guessed what it is yet?
It’s your television. Or in some households, your televisions, as some people own several.
Even worse, there are now other screens ready to take your attention away from those who matter the most.
So if it’s not the television, there’s also the phone or other gaming devices to distract you from whats truly important.
How Does A Screen Cause Such Damage?
It causes such damage because when people are tired, after having done all the things that they need to do during the day (and evening), the easiest thing to do is to simply plonk down in front of the television or a screen.
When either one of you or both of you are looking at the television, there’s something very important that you are NOT doing.
You’re NOT COMMUNICATING.
“So what?” you might ask.
Yes, you communicate when one of you returns home.
You communicate about things that need to be done.
You communicate about bills that need to be paid.
You communicate about problems that may arise etc, etc.
Well, of course, that’s communicating, but it could not really be described as quality communicating.
Every one of us is continually changing. We don’t actually notice that process but it nevertheless still goes on.
If we don’t put some effort into communicating with our partners we may be in danger of loosing contact with them.
Eventually we might get into the situation many couples get into when the kids have grown up and left home… then the wife looks at the husband and says, “Who are you?” And the husband looks at the wife and says “Who are you?”
Many couples in this sort of situation end up separating. Even more couples end up separating well before this, and you can imagine the costs involved in legal fees and property settlement, let alone the impact on the children.
The solution is fairly simple, but difficult to apply, because it requires the active cooperation of both partners.
You choose either a Friday or Saturday night, and organise to record any television show or movies you’re worried about missing. Then you turn off the television (this also applies to computers and phones).
Well it might be hard to believe, but people start to do what they did before television existed.
They discuss things.
They make plans.
They play games.
They read and share ideas about what they’ve read.
They make love…
When you make an effort to turn off the television and put away your phones, relationships begin to flourish. You start to crave communication with others, connection and intimacy deepens, and you have a much happier, rewarding relationship and household.
BellyBelly recommends Jordan Gray’s fabulous article, 10 Questions To Ask To Go Deep In Your Relationship as a great starting point for conversation – it’s a great weekly check-in for all couples!