Recently I was going through some of my old psychology notes, when I came across a great bit of information that I just had to share! Especially with our busy lifestyles these days, I think everyone could use this great information to help liven up their love life a little bit more.
This advice is probably more directed at the guys, so men: listen up, learn something, and thank me later!
Lets Talk About Sex
It’s always a hot topic — sex — and our need and desire for it. What men and women want in the bedroom is never far from most people’s minds.
Sex and lovemaking has the potential to be either the most delicious or the most dissatisfying aspect of your life. Sex can be a way for you and your partner to open your hearts, surrender your bodies, have some fun and share the peak of ultimate pleasure together… or it can be a mostly frustrating and empty experience.
The most recent studies have shown that a staggering 1 in 3 women are turned off from sex, whereas the figure is closer to 1 in 6 for men. From the 2008 Durex Sexual Wellbeing Survey (which included 26,000 people around the world), as well a recent Australian study, women in particular often feel that they lose interest in sex because the kind of sex on offer is not what turns them on.
Want to know why? There are 2 basic, essential keys to understand if you want great sex:
1. Women and men have different pathways to great sex
Both women and men crave a fabulous, warm, intimate, fun and pleasurable sex/love life with their treasured life partner. The big difference between the two is the pathway to great sex, which is different for men and women.
Men seek it through physical sex first. Through having sex with his woman, he opens more emotionally and connects. On the other hand, a woman needs the emotional intimacy, closeness and loving appreciation first, before she feels she is willing to open her body to this “emotionally disconnected person”.
This hugely important difference needs to be taken into account in order for sex and lovemaking to be great for both of you.
2. Quenching the woman’s desires first are more rewarding
Yes it is true! There are greater rewards for a man by delivering what his woman desires first. When your woman is truly satisfied, she opens even more, and is more than willing to grant you your wishes in return. Not only that, but when a woman is pleasured first, the man’s fire is still burning strong. If he is first, the fire is usually extinguished – and she can feel it.
It’s amazing to see the turnaround in a woman who is truly satisfied, both emotionally and physically… the glow on her face when she is well loved and “orgasmed” out, and her strong desire to do anything she can to show her man just how much she appreciates him. This is a secret that very few men even know, let alone use to their advantage.
Relationships that last the longest and are the most successful are those in which the woman is getting her desires fulfilled, giving the man a double win. Firstly, this is by knowing that he is responsible for his partner’s pleasure, and secondly, to have an appreciative partner wanting to give in return. A true win/win for the both of you.
Having had the great honour of sharing the intimate details of thousands of couples’ love lives in my counselling practice, and having access to the latest world research and trainings on sex, love and relationships, I’ve come to understand that most men have not even scratched the surface of how to break open their woman, in order to have a highly rewarding sex life and relationship.
Men: believe it or not, the great news is that 70% of women would like more sex. To get there, here’s what they are looking for, which are my 6 hot tips to better, more frequent sex:
1. EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND INTIMACY
For women, sex is like the glue in the relationship. It helps her to “bind” to her chosen man. For most women, the emotional is indivisible from the physical, and the emotional precedes the physical .
Her desire for her man is fed by feeling close to him and by his presence. Your woman wants to feel emotionally connected to you, before, during and after sex.
TIP: Take the time to sit and talk with her daily, with no distractions of TV, phones or kids. Just by taking the time to talk and listen to her, she feels closer to you, and more open to other things… like sex!
Women love lots of it. They yearn to be treated as the unique, special creatures that they are. Attention and affection go a long, long, long way, guys, together with your appreciation of her, as an individual and as a woman.
TIP: Call her throughout the day to say you love her, organise a weekend away just for the two of you, surprise her with a single rose and tell her what you love about her. Try something new every week. Women never tire of you finding them attractive. And women love to look forward to things ” allude to a special surprise at a certain time.
No, this is NOT a golf term!
Foreplay is what builds desire in a woman. In the bedroom, women want to be warmed up first, and she would love you to explore all of her body more. Feeling her man’s hands caressing her whole body can be a great turn on for a woman. And remember, foreplay begins after your last lovemaking session! It’s not always sexual foreplay that turns her attention towards you.
TIP: Take much more time with foreplay. Look her in the eyes and learn the art of erotic touching and teasing — before going for the genitals — and you’ll be her hero in bed.
Just as important as her needs in the bedroom, is a woman’s need for your support in general.
Most women are tired from handling work, kids, and the endless household tasks at the end of the day. Resentment can often build if she has been left to shoulder more than a fair share of the workload. Be aware that this is very important to a woman, and a little help goes a long way. Resentment and anger is the number one killer of passion and sexual openness for women.
TIP: Offer her plenty of support around the house, and she will feel cared for by you, resulting in her being far more open to you. She also needs some time off to rejuvenate, and revive her sensual self with some of those femininely nurturing trips to the hairdresser, facials, and massages. Believe it or not, this nourishes her femininity, in the same way having a beer with your mates “nourishes” males. Even buying clothes that she feels beautiful in helps her to love who she is as a woman. She’ll feel beautiful and will be more open to being sensual too.
Almost all women have not yet explored their full orgasmic potential… yet!
Studies show that 80% of men report they have orgasms almost every time they have sex; in contrast women have orgasms only 36% of the time.
Orgasms, and various types of orgasms (even multiple orgasms), are another area that most women would like to explore. More complicated and variable than the male orgasm, the female orgasm can be a wonderful unfolding mystery. All orgasms are not equal for women. Through exploring and experimenting, men, too, can extend their orgasmic potential, far more than you ever thought possible.
TIP: Make it your mission to explore your orgasmic potentials together.
Struggling with giving her an orgasm? A resource I recommend to my male friends (and their partners), is the work of Jason Julius.
6. FUN AND VARIETY
It’s true, girls DO want to have fun as much as guys. Most women would love more playfulness, variety and adventure, just like men would. A man who is willing to create delightful experiences, both in and out of bed will win her heart far more easily. Why not both provide some fun and variety?
TIP: Broaden your sexual/loving repertoire by being playful, warm and caring, deep and meaningful, short sessions, long sessions, new positions, and give and take.
So, How Did You Score?
Do you include all those 6 things into your love life? Perhaps you might like to chat with your partner and find out which of those she (or he) would like more of. Communication is so important, so make sure you’re doing it daily (the communication, that is! I’ll leave the other stuff is up to you!).
Articles posted on BellyBelly which are not written by Doctor Andrew Orr are the opinions of BellyBelly and not necessarily the opinion of Doctor Andrew Orr.