We’ve all been there! You become a parent and vow you’ll never utter another curse word, lest it poison the mind of your perfectly pure baby. Only then, you realise that now you have so many more things to swear about than you ever did before.
For a start, you are almost guaranteed to stick your finger in poo at least once a day. Add to that all the baby sick and the fact that sheer exhaustion causes you to stub your toes at least three times a day – it would be almost ridiculous not to swear.
The list of things sleep deprivation has made you do includes – but is definitely not limited to – stumbling into the door frame (daily), walking into a lamp post (weekly) and shutting your hand in the car door (just once because ouch). Of course you’re going to swear.
Saying ‘Oh sugar,’ after slamming your hand in the car door provides no relief. In fact, it could be argued that it makes light of serious pain. This is no time for sugar. You need to bring out all the swears in your rotten, nasty mind do this one justice.
The only problem is that almost in the blink of an eye, your darling sleeping baby becomes a toddler. And toddlers are really good listeners and even better repeaters. From now on, expect every curse word you’ve ever so much as breathed to be repeated loudly in public.
Just as you think you’re impressing everyone with your expert parenting skills, your toddler will whip out a hefty swear word and embarrass the heck out of you.
Your toddler will instinctively know to do this when your mother-in-law, health visitor or nursery teacher are within ear shot. And you will spend the next few months bright, bright red. Until you’ve said, ‘Oh sugar,’ so many times that all swear words have been erased from your toddler’s memory. Or so you hope.
BuzzFeed have helpfully compiled a video of toddlers swearing for the first time. Check out the potty mouths on these sassy toddlers. If you thought it wasn’t until the teenage years that you’d have to deal with bad language, think again!
Language warning: not appropriate for children!