N2l - thanks. It's great that you are so supportive and passionate about it. It's nice to know that not everyone thinks i am a failure. I still use that word though, sadly, somedays. I'm trying not to though. And it's silly really - i would NEVER ever call someone who had a c/s a failure, yet i'm prepared to call it to myself.
I wish my scar was right on that obstetrician's forehead. Then maybe he could look at it everyday and feel some of sadness and as let-down as i do.