Do you judge other peoples parenting?

[Glamourcide]

^ I definitely agree with that sentiment. I'm shameless enough to put my two cents' in when I see something that I think is *really* wrong, and that's not restricted to physical or sexual abuse - in my book, that poor child's (and his mother's) treatment by that man would count as clear emotional abuse and I would be sticking my beak in, regardless of what it did to my friendship with the people in question.

And in fact i know several kids who were CC'd and though they aren't all that close with their parents (which to ME is strange because i expect toddlers and young kids to still have a strong parental bond) they aren't criminals.

I get where you're coming from, but I really doubt that CCing or other small aspects of their parenting is what has led to the children not having a strong bond with their parents (of course, this is just my personal opinion, I don't know the people in question so of course you're free to tell me to shut my pipe and stay out of it!!). I think most of the time it comes down to the personalities of mum, dad and child, and parenting as a whole rather than 'I blame *this*' or 'You did *that* wrong'. Just for instance, DD has the closest bond I could imagine possible with DH and I, she adores us just as much as we adore her and she never, ever hesitates to come to us, to cuddle with us, to give us kisses and show her affection for us. We did do a small amount of CC with her, and we never co-slept (purely because DH and I are extremely heavy sleepers and I could never have forgiven myself if she'd ended up smothered or something while I was comatose, I know the evidence suggests otherwise but DH nearly suffocated her with his arm once when I popped her in our bed to go warm her a bottle so I never took the risk) or had much to do with the gentle parenting concept (we did lots of research but basically we picked and chose what we thought would work for us, and tried out different things when we thought some stuff wasn't working, I think at this point we don't fit any particular concept or mould, we just dabble in this and that and see what works well for us); but a friend of mine who co-sleeps, picks her DS up before he even realises he's about to cry, and generally follows most principles of this gentle parenting movement (she's never read a book in her life that she wasn't required to do an essay on, but her DP gets mad if the kid makes a peep so she kills herself to keep him quiet and happy), her gorgeous little boy is very standoffish, doesn't like being touched or spoken to and just generally gives me the idea he wants to be alone most of the time. He's been that way pretty much since birth, just as my DD has been a cuddly, happy, loving and giving baby since the day DH cut the cord - I think their bonds with parents and others in their little world has much less to do with parenting styles or techniques, and a lot more to do with their individual personalities as well as things like their environment. An example of that is that DD is allowed to explore her world and get into mischief, and learn her limits - my friend's DS is pretty much stuck in his high chair or on a playmat every waking moment and if he ventures further than arm's reach, he's promptly put back where he started. It would seem quite stifling, I imagine!! That, and my relationship with DH is pretty good the majority of the time, so DD is growing up in a relaxed, loving home where she can see that mummy and daddy care about each other as much as they care about her. Meanwhile, my friend's relationship with her partner is pretty rocky, and her partner shows very little interest in her and his son - the poor kid can't bond with his dad even if he tries because his father is more worried about his video games and hanging out with his friends!

I just think every person, and every child, is different, and while a lot of people may not agree with the way I do things with DD, they are entitled to that but would have to be blind to see that it isn't working for us. That's why I tend to stay away from forums where things I don't necessarily agree with are discussed - everyone is welcome to their choices and I support that all the way, but it's not my choice to follow suit, no matter how popular or not it is, so I don't go around passing judgment on people who are sure they are doing the best for their kids. Good on them, I say, especially if they are taking the time to research and keep up with new information so they can keep reevaluating their parenting techniques and evolve.

Like I said, you know the people you're talking about much better than I do, obviously, but I tend to not really include parenting techniques as a cause, reason or explanation for certain behaviour in children unless it is the *only* thing I can see wrong with their life.