Bless you Bec, you're lovely!

I can't judge for giving a child a "bad" drink - my DS loves white wine (not that he's allowed it, he just steals mine) and I used to give him cow juice, which hurt his little tummy. I know I'll get hate mail for the wine but not for the milk - but the milk is worse! I don't agree with giving a child cola and I don't drink it myself, but I can't judge for it. WHAT IF the parents don't know how awful it is? What if the child stole the drink of cola one day and now won't drink anything else?

Smoking is very addictive. I'm not a smoker and I don't approve of it, but it can be awful to quit. I don't want people smoking around children but the anti-smoking laws are pushing smokers to children (children and smokers in the beer gardens, please!) and if you are addicted then why punish people for a mistake started years ago that they may not want to continue? I must admit, I have lower tolerance for smokers now I've gone back to Uni and there are more of them though! Horrid habit. But one I'm happy I do not hold an addiction to. I have spoken with people who want to quit but just can't. I don't have an addictive sort of personality/genetics so can't fully understand, but I do realise it's hard.

Swearing is a method of communication. One that sounds foul to many ears. But people grow up with it and don't realise. "Dang it all to heck!" may seem more refined, but it is just culture: some people don't have parents who moderate their language or have any refinement. For some reason, DS seems to say "track!" when he's annoyed (usually, I think, because his Brio track is broken which causes the most upsets)... now that could sound a whole lot worse! I think toddlers swearing is just awful to hear, but the parents of swearing toddlers can't see a problem: it is their everyday language. Just as I don't think Liebling speaking to me in French or German is a problem. (Although Spanish, Italian, Latin, old Greek and Mandarin is... because I can't speak much of those! He's picked it up from both me and the TV, but I'd rather he learn a language fluently rather than the odd word here and there that I do and that he has picked up from me.)

I tell Liebling "No! Stop!" [take DS away from the road] "Don't cross the road my precious; it's dangerous. Cars are hurty if you bump into them!" He is in tears. I have stopped him doing something. It's not the language used, it's the "no" quite often. He may cross the road WITH me, holding my hand so that I'm kept safe, but only when there are no cars. We must both check.

I know a lot of people judge me negatively for letting DS cross a road which cars use frequently (but not a busy road). I have people thinking I can't be his mother because I let him walk around so much! He's not yet 2 and 90% of the time he stops at the pavement and grabs my hand, looks for cars, waits for me to OK crossing the road then crosses safely, quickly and without bother. 10% of the time he doesn't and boy do I get judged for that!

I may not like others' parenting, but I always try to think "this person did not wake up this morning and think now how shall I scar my child for life today?" when I get judgemental. Because I have faced quite a bit of it on the other side of the fence - for babywearing (mollycoddling/spoiling/uncomfortable for mum and bub/too poor for a pushchair - yup, major criticism where I live!), BFing past... well birth in some cases, not CCing, co-sleeping... now we all think that's acceptable parenting here but others do not agree. And those people believe that they are giving me the best possible advice and I don't know about their ideas, which is why I'm not doing them. I've had a lot of positive feedback in the local area for what I do too, particularly babywearing, but I've had some stupid stuff said too.