Does happy mum REALLY equal happy baby?

[Liz]

I will admit that if not for BB, I would have felt incredibly intellectually stifled as well during my two years at home. I think if most of you would look deeper, you would admit the same thing, otherwise why get involved in these contentious topics over and over again? Isn't it about exercising your brain?

That's a pretty huge assumption to make that if most SAHM's really looked at their situation that they'd find they're not REALLY intellectually fulfilled.

SAHM doesn't stand for Stuck At Home Mum. There's plenty of adult company to be had if you get out and about, and the beauty of it is you take your baby with you.

I think it's a bit rough to insinuate that SAHM's are kidding themselves and that really if they look deep enough they'll find it's not what they really need to be -really- happy.

But this isn't what the thread was about anyway. It's not about what one mum does vs what another mum does, it's more about a saying that has become popular, which I don't believe is really a supportive thing to say, that's all.

I think, when I spoke to friends about this, and they said happy mummy = happy baby what they were really trying to convey was, "Fiona, you are absolutely torturing yourself about this because you are trying to do the right thing by DD and continue BFing but it is destroying you mentally because you are so uptight and anxious so it is OK to not to it, if it means the difference between you bonding with and enjoying your DD than not."

And my point is.. why on earth couldn't they have said THAT to you instead of palming it off with a happy mummy = happy baby. Why not reassure you and validate how you were feeling properly, instead of leaving you to read whatever you wanted to in that phrase?

[sushee]

Liz,

it wasn't an insinuation. I'm saying that there ARE outlets for SAHMs to find intellectual stimulation - BB is one of them. It was for me, and obviously IS for many of you, because, let's face it, posting on BB really isn't a joint activity between mum and child.

There's plenty of adult company to be had if you get out and about, and the beauty of it is you take your baby with you.

I agree with you there. Again, it's another way to find balance, and perhaps fulfilment. Being a mother isn't necessarily something you have to be exclusively.

I also didn't insinuate that being a SAHM couldn't be fulfilling. I said that I didn't find it fulfilling. In fact I stated that if someone does find it fulfilling, it's fabulous for them. What I DID say (rather than insinuate) is that many SAHMs will (and do) look to stimulate their intellect in other ways that have nothing to do with their kids - and BellyBelly is one such way - to find whatever balance they need to be fulfilled.

Is that clearer? I am not of the sort of opinion that you've attributed to me. If my position is NOT clear after this post though, please feel free to PM me and we can discuss this between us.

[Liz]

Yep Sush, much clearer As in your other post you said that if most of us looked deeper, we'd admit it too. Which did sound like if we all looked deeper we'd find that being a sahm isn't enough.

And I do agree.. it's how you spend your time at home. Just coz we're at home doesn't mean we're playing games and cooking all day. There's time to do our own reading, participate in forums, visit with other adults/parents etc. It certainly doesn't have to be unfulfilling.