Bx,

I agree with you. I agree with almost everything you said. Because it was what I was trying to say too: I think fulfillment is something only the mother can find, because she's the only one who knows what it means to her.

As far as the HM=HB thing goes,I've already said I don't think it's necessarily true. I may have been unfulfilled as a SAHM for those first two years my son was here, but my son was a secure, happy baby. I was a good mother despite not necessarily being fulfilled. And I believe the decision to stay home those first years with him was a sound one, and one I would do again without hesitation if I had to live my life over.

But I guess I couldn't do that forever. It's not like I hadn't done it before (I was a SAHM to my first three kids for 8 years) and at some stage, I had to attend to my own needs, and have my son compromise with me so that we both could be happy. It's not exactly HM=HB, but it's definitely a compromise.

Which is do believe departs from the topic, which refers to whether the phrase is bandied around too much to appease guilt for the mother not necessarily doing the 'best' for her baby ('best' is in quotation marks because it's a subjective measurement). Yes I do think it is bandied around too much. I think you can be in pain, not get enough sleep, be generally unfulfilled and, as a result, have a secure, happy baby.

That's why I think the rather flippant phrase of HM=HB is NOT the same as discussing fulfillment. And I think bringing fulfillment into it muddies the waters, and perhaps is what brought this thread off-track. I think it's okay for someone to say 'I'm unfulfilled as a SAHM' - all it proves is that you DON'T have to be a happy mum to have a happy child. That sacrifices made sometimes, at the mother's expense, pays dividends in your child.

But in the end, everyone balances out how MUCH sacrifice they're willing to make. And I agree, that when someone comes in here looking for validation, the HM=HB phrase thrown around doesn't do a lot more than appease that person, without pointing out how, sometimes, trying to work out the problem, taking a different tack, looking for pofessional assistance or even giving it time, might present a better outcome for baby after all.