You might have heard the term ‘skinship’ before or perhaps this is the first time for you. Let’s dig into the concept of skinship and explore its origin, relevance and importance in our lives and our relationships.
Skinship – what does it really mean?
Skinship is a word that originated in Japan, and it referred to the closeness and intimacy of a relationship between a mother and her baby. Now we use the term skinship as a way to describe bonding through physical contact across many of our relationships.
Why is it called skinship?
English is my second language. One of the things that has always fascinated me is the ease with which the English language creates new words.
Skinship refers to the relationship established between two people through touch and through skin contact: skin-ship.
Where does skinship come from?
Although skinship is an English word, the concept of skinship originated in Japan. It refers to the relationship a mother establishes with her baby through physical contact, the closeness that only a mother and baby knows.
Skinship is also very well-known and practiced in Korean culture.
The term skinship has come to be used more generally. Although it originated from that special touch-bond between a mother and her baby, skinship now refers to the act of bonding through physical contact, particularly between family members and loved ones.
The culture of physical touch varies greatly between nations. I’m from Spain and we are a very ‘touchy’ culture. You don’t need to be in a very crowded place to be touched by others. When you’re introduced to someone you usually kiss on both cheeks.
In Korean culture, on the other hand, it is very unlikely you would show physical affection or even have physical contact with people other than your relatives and very close friends.
Skinship – the series by Yoon Choi
Yoon Choi is a Korean writer who has written an uplifting and heartbreaking collection of startlingly insightful stories about the Korean migrant experience in the USA.
Skinship is the title of this rare story collection. Yon Choi’s debut short stories have shaken the world.
All these stories unexpectedly splinter from a single life to a whole family history, shaped by the concept of skinship and its relevance in a culture that has been immersed in a different culture: The Korean American life.
Choi’s writing closely details her characters’ lives and their emotions. The way she tells of her characters’ diverse experiences and their meticulously realized lives has earned her the title of the newest great story writer.
I have to admit I have just recently found out about Yoon Choi’s rich stories. I will definitely get hold of Choi’s collection, as everything I’m reading about her writing seems very appealing.
Sentences like ‘Choi’s careful gaze’, ‘Choi’s masterful creation’ and ‘electric literature and incisive stories’ are placing Yoon Choi’s writing at the top of modern world literature. The New York Times book review, the Washington Independent Review and the New England Review all agree that Yoon Choi is such a good writer and a gorgeous new voice that has taken most of the year’s literary triumphs.
Does touching increase love?
Yoon Choi’s success comes mainly from her intimate storytelling about Korean American families. However, physical contact is so necessary that part of her success can be accredited to the development of intimate stories around the need for physical affection. Physical intimacy is the number 1 nonsexual loving experience.
The hormone oxytocin is the hormone we release when we feel loved and happy, when we’re in love, when we spend good times with friends and when we experience pleasure.
Oxytocin is called the ‘love hormone’ and it’s secreted with expressions of love: being touched is a very important one.
When we are touched by a loved one, our oxytocin receptors are activated, and the oxytocin rush commences. The more we touch a loved one and the more physical affection we receive, the more oxytocin we secrete; therefore, the more love we experience.
Too much touching in a relationship
Being touched by a loved one makes us feel good and makes us feel loved. A series of chemical mechanisms develop to let our brain understand ‘this is an act of love’.
Understanding this is crucial to understanding that there can’t be too much touching in a relationship.
When individuals engage in a loving relationship, they come from different families and might have had different upbringings. One partner might have a much more ‘touchy’ upbringing than the other.
In most romantic relationships, people tend to mirror and copy the actions and even the words of the loved one. Touch becomes a common love language between lovers and those who haven’t been used to a great deal of touching will quickly find themselves touching and being much more affectionate than they previously were.
Loving through touch is so important that there can never be ‘too much touching’ in a love relationship.
Lack of touch in a relationship
The amount of skinship between two people who love each other depends on the two people involved. Sometimes, though, there are outside factors that directly influence the amount of touch, such as being in a long-distance relationship or being isolated.
Intimacy means different things in different cultures, even to different people of the same culture.
Lack of touch in a relationship is not easy to understand in many cultures.
In some cultures, the extreme sexualization of life has made it hard to understand that wanting to be touched by others is not only non-sexual but a completely normal affective need.
Research shows that we thrive in life when we are frequently touched by others. The brain receptors that are activated when we’re touched by a loved one are different from the touch receptors that are activated when we touch ourselves.
Touching each other is giving love to each other.
Can a relationship survive without physical touch?
I’m not a love expert but I believe that, if the absence of physical touch has an end date, the relationship can survive by being focused on the time when the reunion happens.
This is true for many people all over the world. Jobs might separate families for long periods; there might be incarcerations or even instances of forbidden love, where the lovers are sent far away in the hope they might forget one another.
Yes, a relationship can survive without physical touch.
Mother and baby skinship
The relationship specifically based on the touch between a mother and her baby is the origin of the word skinship. Let me tell you why.
Love is IT; love is all. Love is the most important experience of our lives and the more of it we experience, the more we thrive. Therefore is the number one exchange between a mother and her baby.
From the moment we are born, the more love we receive, the more we thrive and the better we develop.
As we grow and this skinship love exchange continues, we develop into healthy, emotionally nourished beings.
In many cultures and in many families, however, skinship is only seen right or necessary up to a certain age. Children’s physical independence might lead to the parents separating this independence from their need for love and affection through skinship.
Family skinship
Something as good as the skinship between a mother and a baby shouldn’t be stopped. It should carry on and be extended to all members of the family and loved ones.
Thriving through life by having as much love running through our veins as possible seems like one of the most blessed ways to live, doesn’t it?
Now you know the importance of touch, get back in the habit of ‘skinship’ with your loved ones
Skin hunger
Did I tell you how much I love the English language? I’m going to explain the concept of ‘skin hunger’.
Perhaps I don’t really need to. Even if this is the first time you have come across the term, it’s quite likely you understand that skin hunger refers to the lack of skinship. Someone suffers skin hunger when they crave human touch.
During the pandemic, this terminology was used much more often, as many people became isolated and physical contact, even with loved ones, was dramatically reduced.
These protective measures had devastating emotional consequences for a lot of people. During the pandemic, new professions appeared due to the sharp change in living circumstances.
Since the restrictions have been lifted and the impact that lack of touch had on our mental health is better understood, in many places you can now find ‘cuddle therapists’, who offer skin-to-skin cuddles with people who cannot get their skinship any other way.
It’s a question of doing anything to get that oxytocin flowing.
Learn more about this in Skin Hunger – What Is It And Why Do We Experience it?
Why do I like touching my partner so much?
After what you’ve just read, why wouldn’t you?
- You love your partner
- Your partner loves you
- When you touch each other, the love hormone is released in your bodies
- Literally, the more you touch each other, the more love you give and receive from each other
- Giving love to a loved one also increases your oxytocin release.
I really hope you nourish your skinships and, quite literally, increase the amount of love you share with your loved ones.
These articles will help you find even more ways to get your love hormone flowing:
Oxytocin During Pregnancy – 10 ways To Boost The Love Hormone
