Ahh…baby is now out, I’m no longer pregnant, life will get back to normal and I’ll have my body back!
Not exactly. I mean, you can probably reach your shoes to tie them again. Unfortunately, you’ll only have one hand to do so, making it quite the challenge!
Things That Are Impossible To Do When You Have A Baby
After my first baby, I was a bit shocked at how much my life didn’t go back to normal.
Now, a few babies later, I realise there are just some things which are simply impossible to do when you have a baby.
Here are 6 things I found impossible to do with a baby:
#1: Eat A Hot Meal With Two Hands
I can eat with two hands if I wait long enough to settle baby in her bouncer, but by that point my food is pretty cold.
I can babywear and eat with two hands, but steaming hot from the oven? Maybe not a great idea given my coordination from sleep deprivation. My baby is far from beginning solids, but she’s occasionally covered in crumbs.
Usually, one hand is holding and rocking baby and the other hand is shoveling food in my mouth.
The good news? This is temporary. Soon enough, baby will be in her high chair distracted by playing with her own food.
You’ll get a hot meal, thanks to going with baby led weaning.
The cost is a lot of sweeping and wiping, but total worth it to savour a hot meal.
#2: Complete A Thought Or Conversation
This happens for several reasons. The sleep deprivation, mama brain and interruptions can leave you wondering what’s going on in your head.
You’ll have something to say, formed and ready to spit out and suddenly, your little one is crying and just like that it’s lost.
Baby finally settles, and now for the life of you, you can’t bring back that thought.
If you’re feeling certain you’ll never be able to get your brain functioning as it was, rest assure it comes back. Mostly anyway…
Read more about mummy brain: It IS All In Your Head – 5 Reasons Mummy Brain Is Real. As frustrating as it can be, nature plays a role and it seems for good reasons.
#3: Time For Personal Grooming
The struggle of choosing between a shower and more sleep can be a serious one.
Combing every knot out with only one hand while bouncy baby in another should really be an Olympic sport.
Babywearing can help with the hair situation, but it’s not exactly practical for showering. That’s how many of us get caught in the battle between sleep and a shower.
Baby’s napping or out for the night (well, at least 30 minutes), do you sleep or do you shower? They say sleep when the baby sleeps, so do you shower when the baby showers? Well…by baby number 2 that sort of became a thing.
Whether you remember to condition your hair or put deodorant on afterwards is a whole other thing. See mummy brain information above.
#4: Be On Time
Even for the most punctual person, a baby can throw your structure and discipline for a loop.
Dressed and ready to go on time? Baby just spit up on your black sweater.
Plan to leave as soon as baby feeds so there no delay in your commute? Baby’s having a growth spurt.
Stopping at the store to grab a host gift for a get together? Baby just had a massive nappy/diaper blowout.
Not punctual before baby? Godspeed. Perhaps it’s best to practice your sincere apologies. If you need some help, check out our 10 Perfectly Acceptable Excuses For Being Late As A New Mama.
#5: Finish A Book, Movie or TV Series
You can read a book with just one hand, and watching TV, well that’s simple.
Except as soon as you sit down, baby wonders why you’re no longer swaying. Or maybe she happily rests while you watch a bit of a show, only to need a diaper change. By the time she’s all wrapped up again, you’ve missed a key plot twist.
Fortunately, streaming TV and movies now exists. There’s hope you’ll finish a move, it just might take her entire first month of life.
If you need some reading suggestion for those few moments of peace, check out our Best Parenting Books. Hopefully you’ll get through at least one before your baby turns 2.
#6: Actually Talk On Your Phone
Want to know how to make any baby, toddler or child desperately need your attention and only in the most obnoxiously loud way? Attempt to take or make a phone call.
No matter how long they’ve been settled and quiet, try talking on the phone and chaos erupts.
I used to hide in our laundry to make phone calls. My then 2-year-old thought that’s where you go to make phone calls. If he was pretending to use the phone, he’d walk right to the laundry and close the door.
Just doing my part to prepare him for parenthood.
At least our generation has texting. It might be the only way to chat with a fellow mama and understand what she’s saying.
These little ones do throw our day to day routines for a loop. Our lives may never return to our pre-baby normal, but we can find and even enjoy our new normal. Be sure to make lots of mama friends so you can laugh (and cry) about the craziness and consider help for the early days. A postnatal doula can make sure you get that shower and enjoy a hot meal.
Before you know it, they’ll be in school and totally self-sufficient. I’ve heard homework keeps them pretty occupied on their own so you should have plenty of me time then… Wait, what do you mean that’s not what you heard?