Nobody makes it through those early months of parenting without bickering and anyone who says they did is a massive liar.
It’s impossible. You’re both sleep deprived (I know, you’re the most sleep deprived, obviously), you’re overwhelmed by the sheer hugeness of your responsibilities as a parent.
It’s not for the fainthearted. Babies are small but becoming a parent is big and it will take some getting used to.
7 Stupid Things New Parents Argue About
During those newborn days, you’ll argue with your partner about pretty much anything.
You’ll argue about big things like parenting decisions but you’ll also argue about little things like who ate the last avocado.
It won’t be fun but, eventually, you’ll catch up on your sleep, adjust to life with a baby and the bickering will ease off.
In the meantime though, how many of the following can you tick off? Here are seven stupid things pretty much all new parents argue about:
#1: Who Is The Most Tired
Imagine the things society could achieve if parents stopped arguing over who was getting the least sleep.
The cure to cancer, how to stop climate change and difficult sudoku puzzles would all be solved in a jiffy. Life would almost be too easy.
If you have a new baby in the house, you probably wake up resenting your partner for getting more sleep than you. And, of course, he’s doing the same thing.
The problem is, everybody always thinks they are awake the most. The key here is to invest in sleep trackers and then you can categorically prove with the help of tiny graphs that you are the one getting the least sleep.
#2: Who Changes The Most Nappies
Nobody wants to wipe poop out of somebody else’s bum crack, no pretty how tiny and adorable that bum crack might be.
Newborn babies pee and poop a lot so you’ll be spending a lot of your time hunched over the changing table. You will get poop under your fingernails, you will get it on the wall (right?) and you will probably get peed on a few times.
When you’re not busy doing all those things, you’ll be arguing with your partner about who did the last nappy change.
You’ll be sat happily watching TV together when all of a sudden you’ll hear an eruption in that teeny nappy and then World War 3 will breakout to decide who is being deployed to wipe that butt.
#3: Health & Safety
Being a mama for the first time comes hand-in-hand with irrational fears over just about everything.
For instance, have you ever noticed how terrifyingly dangerous teaspoons are before? Probably not. But now you’re a new mama they’re top on your list of dangerous households items.
What else is on the list? Shoes. Hairbrushes. Loud toys that may startle your baby. You know, the usual.
The only problem is, your partner is unlikely to be on board with the new health and safety rules you’re trying to lay down.
This will inevitably lead to an argument where you wave your homemade health & safety clipboard around and shout things like “Of course the toilet brush is dangerous!”
#4: How To Parent
You’re never going to agree on everything, but sometimes it might feel like you don’t agree on anything.
There are thousands of blogs and books and seminars telling you how to parent and it’s easy to get a little lost amidst all that information. How do you cope when you and your partner have differing views on how best to parent?
Well, you sit down like adults and calmly and respectfully discuss your differences. Har har har. Just kidding, you’re too tired for that. You just passive-aggressively snap at each other for weeks on end.
Sex. It’s what got you into this mess in the first place and now you’re going to end up arguing about it.
You might argue because he wants it and you don’t. You might argue because you want it and he doesn’t. You might argue because nobody wants it and neither of you knows why. You might argue because you both want it but can’t get any time alone because of the baby.
It doesn’t really matter why you argue about it, just know that you will. It’s impossible not to. Take a look at 10 Reasons Why She Doesn’t Want Sex After Having A Baby.
#6: The In-Laws
The in-law relationship can get quite tricky when babies are involved.
Some people find that their previously pleasant mother-in-law suddenly becomes a little too overexcited at being a grandma and refuses to leave. Others feel upset when their in-laws simply don’t seem excited enough about the new baby.
Your partner may think your parents are around too much. You may even end up with problems between the sets of in-laws as one side gets jealous of the other.
It’s complicated and it will leave you and your partner bickering about what the right balance is when it comes to grandparents.
#7: Dressing The Baby
Dressing the baby is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. Your baby has arms made of spaghetti, skin as slippery as oil and a head way bigger than the neck hole on any of his clothes.
It takes approximately 20 minutes to dress him and you have to do this about 16 times a day because that kid loves a costume change.
You have probably never noticed what a terrible dresser your partner is but now that his creations are on your baby, it’s hard to ignore. Red tights with pink dungarees and an orange hat? Great. Clashing patterns, clashing colours, tight with no skirt. He has bad dressing nailed.
You could argue with him every time but, really, what’s the point? There will be a poonami in about eight minutes and that ridiculous outfit will be in the wash.