Hi again girls

Once again I'm speecless at the way I feel 'embraced' by all of you on this site. I have to say I actually originally joined another aussie-based baby chat forum..and although those ladies we're alswo wonderful and friendly, I never got the long, heartfelt responses I have got from all of you. And when I read your stories I almost feel I dont deserve the attention in comparison with what alot of you have gone through.

I think I had a bit of a breakthrough tonight. I went to visit my friend and her new bub Chloe. Once again I totally forgot about me and was loving having a cuddle and feed etc. I had a moment when they took her upstairs to settle and she was crying her little lungs out. I had a moment of again realising the enormity of what I'd lost...no a tiny little baby...but more a tiny little baby that was destined to be a crying baby like the one they were fussing over. I welled up...but had got it together and could smile for then by the time they'd got back from the baby's room. The difference was, this time (and probably thanks to all of your advice and encouragement) actually LET myself have that little moment instead of quashing it away...and I felt alot more positive about getting to the stage of HAVING a baby...not thinking it will never happen or I'm too scared to try.

Becc, you couldnt have explained that need to be pregnant again here and now any better and every word is totally how I feel too. Especially the part about being in limbo between the person you were, the person you'd become and being cruelly stuck somewhere in the middle. THAT is what I believe drives that need to get back there again. I was being made a fuss of by my immediate family because of being pregnant..and now I'm not exciting news anymore..that's hard too.

No sign of AF yet and I'm sure wont be for some time. I'm kind of hoping it will happen on a week-long business trip I have in a couple of weeks..that way I'm not missing an essential ovulating window!! heh heh..

Thank you wonderful girls again. I feel as though I've sat down and had a damn good coffee and chat with you all in person.

;-) Pukeko